Friday Funny, Childbirth Edition

A friend of mine posted this on Facebook, and I just had to pass this wonderful bit of wit and sarcasm along!

Should I have a baby after 35? No, 35 children is enough.

I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move? With any luck, right after he finishes college.

What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex? Childbirth.

My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational. So what's your question?

My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right? Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.

When is the best time to get an epidural? Right after you find out you're pregnant.

Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor? Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you.

Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth? Yes, pregnancy.

Do I have to have a baby shower? Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly.

Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again? When the kids are in college.

 And for all of my friends wondering...NO! I am not pregnant!